All Joy Podcast
All Joy Podcast
Things I would tell my 17 year old self
Join Clodagh and Alanna as they take a trip down memory lane to when they were 17. They share some things they wish they could tell their 17 year old self and chat about the lessons God has taught them since then.
Hey guys. Welcome back. Alana and I are here once again. Delighted to be back with season three of the podcast, and we're bringing you an episode today about people pleasing. Alana, let's just jump right in.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Whoa,
Track 1:you ready? Do you have, do you have anything to say,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:no niceties today.
Track 1:No. Nice. It is today. You and I have been talking enough off camera, or is that off record? Do you have anything to say before we jump right in?
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:No. Hi everyone. It's
Track 1:Hi,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:nice to, I was gonna say, see
Track 1:Be here.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:to be here. Yeah. It's
Track 1:Nice.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:odd concept,
Track 1:It is.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:conversation and people listening into it
Track 1:It is.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:We don't record this. Well, we like, obviously we know people are gonna
Track 1:I.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:to this'cause that's why we're producing a podcast. But at the same time, when we're having this conversation, a lot of time I forget, people are gonna listen to this.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:So if you're one of those people that are listening to it right now, welcome to the Matrix
Track 1:What I'm I messing. Oh, we don't have time to discuss that. Alana, today's episode is about people pleasing, people pleasing.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:Get it together through day.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah, please.
Track 1:My first question is what is people pleasing?
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I looked up the di the, the dictionary
Track 1:There's not a dictionary definition.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Well, I Googled it.
Track 1:Right.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I didn't,
Track 1:Very good.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:how many people actually have a dictionary to hand, but.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:'cause also today when I was in work between ants, Google, what
Track 1:Today
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:pleaser? So the, the definition that I found is this is what is a people pleaser like personality. So it says people please. Their personality a person feels as strong urge please. Others, at their own expense, they may their wants and, and needs do not matter or alter their, alter their personality around others. So I thought that encapsulated it pretty well
Track 1:yes, you, you agreed with that. So,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:yeah.
Track 1:Yeah, well, my, I, I've like sort of nodded along with that because I've just, I've basically said something similar, but obviously in my own words, so like, not being yourself to fit in with others which that definition kinda mentioned as well. And then for me, like what, like what is actual. People pleasing. And I think it's like, it's just wanting people to like you or think well of you you know, wanting to fit in. And I think ways I've tried to maybe justify it in the past is that like, oh, I'm just being polite and like, I don't wanna be rude. But you can be polite and not be rude and not be a people pleaser. I think being a people pleaser is like taking it that step further where you maybe do something that It isn't something you would normally do or exaggerate a certain personality quality that you have in order to fit in, in order to make people think well of you.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Hmm.
Track 1:So yeah, I guess just similar to what the Google definition is, but also in my own words, just
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah. No, I, I think, it's that altering of your personality to just, to it's not even, yeah, I guess it is to please people, but sometimes just to like cause less confrontation.
Track 1:Yeah, that's an interesting point actually. Not wanting to rust any feathers or, not wanting to stand out, like wanting to fit in.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Track 1:Yeah. So you mentioned there you wanted to do this episode because you're a people pleaser. That's my next question. So I guess I'll chat a little bit about it first. You know, are you a people pleaser and some examples of that, and I definitely also would fall into that category. I've been a appeal pleaser and I feel like it goes right back to childhood. You know, just always wanting to be the teacher's pet. And like wanting the teacher to, like me, wanting to be like on my best behavior to, have their admiration, I guess. But like, actually I struggled to do my homework from like primary five, maybe even younger. But yet I still one of the teachers to like me, if that makes sense. Like I wasn't really, I was. I and I got so good at it that I would like totally mask the fact that I wasn't really doing any work with just like, I dunno, I suppose it was a big pure charm, I was just charming the teachers and also like had a bit of natural ability that I, like I could get by sort of easier, you know? But like, yeah, I was masking a whole part of myself. That was actually really struggling with, discipline at home and like doing my homework. All, because I wanted the teacher, you know, I was kind of putting on the show for the teachers, if that makes sense. So yeah, and like something that's, I suppose it's a bit like confessional as well too. But an example I have where I was talking to someone in church and she said something, I'm trying to keep this really cryptic to not like, I don't know. So people couldn't work out who it was or something. Not that, I dunno if anyone from my church listens, but yeah. So someone from my church had said something about someone like not nothing mean or anything. We just had made a comment and the thing that she said, she was kinda not like putting herself down, but she was just thinking really highly of this person that she had made a comment of. And then I said something kind of mean about the person. Like, just off the top of my head, like, I don't even know. If I meant it, but I just wanted this person that I was talking to to feel better. And so I said something slightly mean about the person she was talking about, if that makes sense. And as soon as I said it, I was like, why did I say that? Like that was so, that was so uncalled for. But in that moment I just wanted, you know, the lady I was talking to, to feel better.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:So I did it at the expense of someone else. And that feels, oh, I feel so gross even, and I'm not even telling you what I said, and I still feel gross thinking about the memory, you know, but it was just like, oh gosh, that's just, ah, that just has to stop. You know? Like that isn't good
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Hmm.
Track 1:to bring all others down. But I think that's a real bad side of people pleasing is that the person that you're with becomes. you know, the person that you'll nearly say anything to,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:just a, you know, at anyone else's expense. And actually in that you're not actually being a good friend. You're not, you know, you're not being a kind person at, at all, you know. So I don't know if that resonates with you at all, or,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:yeah, that's interesting. I suppose that's something that we forget about young people pleasing.'cause often when I think about it, the whole definition is that I. The, that you feel a strong urge to please others, even at your own expense. But I suppose sometimes at other people's
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:well. If you're thinking, I just wanna impress upon, or, impress this person that's in front of me right now, even if that means down others. That, that's what's what's on my mind right now. I, yeah, I think, I mean, certainly I think it is part Big part of my job is, is making people, well, any job that's people's facing part of you's gonna be a people pleaser
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:that's how you are seen as being good at your job. People leave your, was gonna say test room, but whatever kind of industry you're in, leave your business and they feel satisfied. So there is kind of a bit of that in my job I'm like, oh, I wanna make sure the patient's happy. I think though that extends outside of my job. Like the people that know of me and think of me, I want them to think of me in higher regard. And I want to have like a good people to have a good impression of me and then that. Can, can lead to some really unhealthy and really, it really actually leads to you yourself in an incorrect way because
Track 1:Pro portraying
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:portraying, what did I say?
Track 1:it's, no, I think you were trying to say portraying, but it sounded like betraying. It could. It was right on. It was right on the edge there.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah. Because you,'cause of personalized are so different. You're not gonna make everyone happy with you at once.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:you're gonna then have to be several different people to, and I find that
Track 1:Yes,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:you have to, I have to be someone in my work. I have to be someone different
Track 1:yes,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I have to be someone different to my family
Track 1:yes,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:if I'm gonna please everyone. I'm not actually gonna be me
Track 1:yes.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Because I'm trying to
Track 1:That's massive.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:all, tick, tick all these boxes.
Track 1:Yep.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:So I think I, I am unfortunately someone that is a people pleaser.
Track 1:I like, I like resume that with that so much like trying to be different people to yeah. Like, you know, to the, as you, as you've rightly rightfully explained there, the different environments that you're in, being a different person on all of those. And I think, yeah, this kinda leads us into the next question, do people please more or less now and why? I definitely, I can firmly say that I, it's definitely less as I've gotten older. But there's just so many different factors in it. And the temptation to be a pua pleaser is always kind of the baseline still, unfortunately, like when I meet a, when I meet a new person, like I still want that person to like me.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:I want them to think well of me,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Mm-hmm.
Track 1:as you said. But yeah, like I definitely have got a lot better and like, just being more confident in myself and confident in what I bring to the table. You know, like I believe that, I believe that I'm a funny, nice person. And if someone wants to spend time with me, great. And if they don't, then I don't think that really changes the fact that I, you know, I still think that I'm a nice person.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:I think in, in getting married and having children, like that's definitely had a shift as well too. In terms of just You know, I care a lot less what other people think because I care much more about what Peter thinks and what he, what he has to say,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Hmm.
Track 1:As opposed to other people. And in terms of becoming a mom, like I literally just don't have the time or the energy
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:to care or, or to do, or to make everyone happy. You know, like my priority is them. And so yeah, it's kinda like definitely a mixture there. Also in my family dynamic you know, having divorced parents, That sort of like being two different people is actually kind of massive for me. I've been raised by these two parents that, you know, obviously loved each other at one point, but then could no longer be together and are. Just two totally different personalities that I was then raised in two different households that had, you know, two different, not massively different, but two different kind of viewpoints on things.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:you know, even like moral things. Two different ideas about that, like two different ideas about how I should behave like how I should converse with people and, and, and write down like the nitty gritty of that. Like there was a certain. Code of behavior in one house and a different code of behavior and it was all like neon things.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Hmm.
Track 1:And so yeah, that had a massive impact on me just trying to be all these different people. So then actually getting married and having one household was
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:so ha for me. Like that first year of marriage for me was just so stabilizing. And like I actually get like emotional, just even thinking about like how stabilizing it was, like what an answer to prayer it was and how healing it was to have one household. And to be accountable for like one household as well too. But there was definitely a massive shift there having, you know, spent like 25 years in, in two households and trying to like, like 29, 19 years, 20 years. My parents divorced when I was six. So most of my life spent trying to like, keep two sides happy. So yeah. Oh, there's, I feel like there's just a lot to unpack there, but I think I've said enough.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I think But what you were saying though, I, I've seen that in you, like from
Track 1:Yeah,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:you when, before you were married, like I knew, I, I remember that being such an issue of like going between those two homes. Even like when we met each other, you were in your teens, early twenties, and it was still apparent there. It wasn't just a
Track 1:yeah, yeah, yeah. It, yeah. Turned 18 to nothing
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:No.
Track 1:put it that way.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:you're still
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:dependent on them. And you're right. You were, I found, I found you people pleasing in the sense that you, you don't, well, when I back then, you really didn't like confrontation. so
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:If it was me, like if you had something you didn't want me to find out, you just wouldn't tell me.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah. But that was like a habit I think that you learned from having to deal with that situation of like, I'm going to between these two households and I'm trying to please both sets of people.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:if I keep that from that person that's going to
Track 1:Yeah, well that, that odd, we're, we're getting into, we, we bit off topic here, but act like actually it's so mental when I think about it. Like there's so many layers to how it was because obviously there was massive hurt feelings there in a divorce as well too. So like I couldn't just openly talk with my mom about like what I'd done that weekend, even say, because
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah,
Track 1:I didn't wanna hurt her feelings. That I'd had a good time with my dad, so, oh, just when you unpack that, it's just, oh, it's just a lot. And I'm sure, you know, to bring it back to the listeners, I'm sure there's people listening that like, might not have that exact scenario, but sometimes there can be like external things happening that only really time or a, you know, a shift. Your life or you know, moving away, whatever. It doesn't have to be marriage, but like for that to kind of break, you know?
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:It's very hard for these patterns to change if, if you know nothing changes. Does that, does that make sense?
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah, no, yeah. There was a big change in circumstances, and I think, I think you're right as well though. God answered your prayer in the
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:because you. And I don't, I don't, I can't speak for you'cause you're, you're you. But you could still live in that. Although it's easier now'cause you are in different circumstances you could still live in that very much'cause your parents are still there. Both sets of the minority as
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:got another set of parents who really, actually it could be even harder for you to, people to please. But
Track 1:Yeah,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:obviously changed that desire your heart, which is great as well.
Track 1:yeah. No, totally. And yeah, I'll, I'll go to him for that. Definitely. What about you then? Do you think you changed? I.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I don't think, think that I maybe change for the worst for a while in the sense that, like, I think I go through patterns like of points where I really don't care. What other people think.
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:And then I go through periods where I, I do really care.
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I think remember leading up to our wedding being like so concerned and like some brides are like, I, it's just our day. I was really concerned about everyone else, which it, this is the thing about people pleasing sometimes. It's actually not wrong to be please if it aligns with What God wants you do as well.
Track 1:Yes.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:to seek other people's best interest is not actually wrong. But I think there's, there's obviously the times when it just tips over when, then leading into sin, that's when that's obviously a major issue. But I think in my work, as I said, because it's people facing, there is always the want to impress. So I dunno, like I'm not massively concerned about being the best optician in the world, but
Track 1:Mm
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:to have other people think well of you. I remember what, like something that really made me change my perspective and trying to get patients to me or being overly concerned about that was one of my work colleagues at the moment, one of my bosses, like fantastic Optum like. O optician, like
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:really, really high quality. Knows his stuff better than a lot of, like, I wouldn't say like anyone else.'cause obviously there's opticians that probably know it better than him, but he really does know his stuff and like he examines people. He is really high level. I would want to get my eyes tested by him'cause his knowledge is so good. And like if I have any problems I always go to him. anyway, the reason why I'm bringing him up is This boss of mine, I had a patient come in who had phone receptionist, but refused to be seen by him and wanted to be seen by me instead. Not that they had met me, but they just wanted to be seen by someone else. And the reason they didn't wanna be seen by him was they did, just didn't get on with him. They, I didn't think they felt like he talked to'em enough. And I just, it was absolutely bonkers to me because I'm like, if there's people that don't like him, And he's so high in my eyes
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:to opticians. Then of course there's, there's always gonna be people that don't like you no
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:how good you are at your job
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:when you're doing a job that you're facing the general public. There's gonna be personalities that you're, that aren't gonna
Track 1:Yep.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:whatever way you do it. And there's gonna be other people that like that exact way.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:don't try, like just do your job to the best of your ability rather than trying to
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:make everyone happy. Yeah. So, I don't know. I think it's still a lesson that I'm learning, with Josh working in ministry. think in church and stuff, it's really, I want everyone to like us and I think The one thing that I've learned since being married to him is a lot of people a lot of people have issues with their ministers. Some of them are justified,
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:them aren't.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:so you can't be a what someone that's wanting to please people
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:want to be in ministry because, there's always gonna be people or
Track 1:It's just not, yeah, that's just not gonna work. There are some people that just can't be pleased,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Exactly.
Track 1:you know? And so yeah, why, why are you spending all this energy kinda. I'm trying to get something and I think it's interesting what you said bud too, about like just kind of the blurry lines of, well, actually it's good for us to help people and also it's good for us to be around people that don't think the same as us.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:But yeah, I do think that you and I are not alone in being people pleasers. And I'd say that there's a lot of people out there that feel that they would tick that box., why do you think that is?
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I think, I think there's two. There's two reasons. There's definitely, actually more, but two that come to mind,
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:that people seek to one is to avoid confrontation.
Track 1:mm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I don't actually think that's always necessarily a bad thing. think sometimes people get into confrontation to easily, or sometimes just appeasing people is maybe the, the, the right thing to do. And that's obviously a
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:decision rushing into an argument or confrontation with somebody instead of it just appeasing them, isn't actually the right option. So
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I think it's confrontation that people wanna avoid that, so they'll just do whatever they can. To avoid that. And that might just mean, seeking to people please. Second thing, and this I, think is actually not a good thing, is the selfish desire to just want people to like you.
Track 1:Hmm
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:which is the main, often the main reason if we really dig down into it. As a human race, more and more programmed get to want people's approval. I think that's natural, but I think i. where we are in the 21st century where your whole, your social life is put out in a hope that people will click on, like literally like it.
Track 1:mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:If you're doing something for the likes, that's literally you're doing it to people, please, you're
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:to get people's approval
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:situation. So I think that's ultimately really quite selfish because you're just, you are just want, you want the gratification of people liking you. and if that's the reason why you're, why you're doing stuff, then
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:It's, it's not, it's not
Track 1:Yeah. And like there's all sorts of studies and like the dopamine hit that we get from that as well too. So just so you're saying like, about it being natural, like I do think we're wired that way. And I think, you know, the, the creation account is a narrative about relationships. Like, you know, God exists in a relation three, three persons in one and like, I think so, so many. Things in society can go back to the creation accounts. So I think we are inbuilt with a desire for relationships,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:Because of how we've been made because we're human beings. And I think as you, you know, as, as we said before, it's not necessarily a bad thing. To want to care for others. In fact, that's a good thing. But there's just like, there's this line that gets crossed where it becomes sinful, where it becomes like it's actually, it's, it's a selfishness because I just want you to like me. I might not even think that I. Highly of you, but I want you like me. You know, it kind of becomes about us and we place ourselves at the center in instead of God. But I think, yeah, I think it's, part of it is how we're wired and we're looking for something in others that only Jesus can actually give us. Only he can provide that pure love that we're seeking from other people. And so, yeah, I think that was just my thoughts about it as well too.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I think, I think it actually become a really self-centered, prideful sin, people pleasing, because ultimately we're trying to draw people's attention sometime to how good we are, rather than how
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:is.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:And when, and you're taking the attention off God and onto yourself that's not, that's not gonna
Track 1:It's not good.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:be.
Track 1:Hopefully the things that we're saying are like, resonate with people as well too. I'm sure it is to say like, I do think that this is A lot of people, will probably agree with this as well too. What about the Bible then? What do we think the Bible has to say? We've touched on it a little bit about just, you know, the, the pride and the sinfulness. But what does the Bible say about it? Something that immediately jumped out to me in my, in my mind. When it came to this sort of like, was we'll have to say people please, zone was Galatians one, verse 10 where Paul says, am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God, or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. So I suppose it's just this. Reality that actually as Christians. We are to please the Lord first. We're to follow Jesus. Not necessarily please people, because people are sinful and sometimes, you know, if you wanna please a sinful person, it's probably gonna involve you, you know, you doing something sinful and so you can just see how black and white and how actually quite simplistic that is as well too. And so, yeah, that was the verse that kind of immediately. Jumped in my mind. And then from that, as I was thinking about that first, you know, I was just like, oh man, it's like, it's like the first commandment, you know? She'll have no other gods before me. And I think people pleasing in, in its extremity is putting. Someone putting people before God pleasing people becomes your God and what people have to say about you becomes your God instead of the one true God. And so, yeah, I just, I find it so interesting sometimes just how what am I trying to say? Just how. On original our sinfulness is like, how, how far back this goes. That it's actually the first thing that God commanded us because he knew that was what we needed because he knew how susceptible we are to put other things before him. And even, yeah, just being, being made for relationship and all that, that, you know, that sinfulness of Adam and Eve and wanting to be God themselves and wanting to put themselves at the center and decide for themselves. Yeah, just how unoriginal we are in our simpleness.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Hmm. Yeah.
Track 1:Yeah. What about you, bud?
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:No, that's just, that's really interesting what you were saying about Well, I really like the first from Galatians, but also it actually, when you come to the core of it, it is breaking the first commandment.'cause I think often
Track 1:Hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:think of when the Bible talks, particularly in the Old Testament about idols and not putting any gods before me we think, oh, well that was an Old Testament problem. Bal
Track 1:Hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:those other gods they had or whatever. But like when I say, which I've said before, I feel like I am a people pleaser. I don't think by saying that I'm, it's like an omission of me saying I put people before God, often
Track 1:Hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I, if I look for a decision, sometimes that is the case. Not always. I'm not trying to blanket this and say, every time you seek to please people, you're, you're putting people before God. Sometimes those two things align, but That was, I just was really,
Track 1:Hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Interested what I, what I found I had a couple examples of when people pleasing went badly. And then one. Other example. So the first one is in numbers 20, when Moses, the people in Israel are complaining about not having any water and being and God says, go and speak to the rock. And then Moses goes and hits the rock
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:a stick and displays God. the water cup, God provides the water anyway, but he does it to demonstrate to the people like he, he's doing it to please the people. That's why he hits the rock.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Do, I mean, I wonder if people weren't there, would he have just spoke to the rock that God asked him to? The
Track 1:then he doesn't get to go into the promised land because of that. Like, it's actually massive,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:which,
Track 1:the repercussions of that, like, so God took that very seriously, is what I'm trying to say.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:but I think though, When we think of that, like, wow, God didn't allow him to the promised land. Like that's, that's, that seems really harsh, but we I guess remember God is in instructing us to do something and then we choose to please
Track 1:Yeah,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:instead of, I mean that, that's, of course it's the first commandment you said, we're putting other people before God. We're idolizing people over God. It's not okay. And it's not something we can justify. Matthew 27 was the other thought of a bad example, which was pilot
Track 1:Oh, pilot.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:yeah. He literally,
Track 1:I, yeah, sorry.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:he literally said, see anything wrong him, but he, he wanted to, he wanted the people to quiet down. He wanted to solve
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:situation.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:he, he washed his hands of it, but really
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:still ahead
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:sent for Jesus to be crucified obviously this is all part of God's plan, but you can see quite clearly here it reminds me of politicians often, often to please people. But we can be like that. We can In the way we interact with people to try and smooth things over
Track 1:It's so interesting you brought up punch this pilot. So the Apostles Creed is said, I'm pretty sure maybe it's the Ian Creed. There's a creed set of mass every Sunday, and one of the lines is, so it's basically like a confession of what we believe and it's like crucified on our pontious pilot. He was, yeah. Died buried and then rose again on the third day in accordance with the scriptures. So like, I would say this like every Sunday. But it was like crucified under punches Pilate. So punches Pilate is like mentioned by name. And I was like, As I got older then, and as I read it for myself, I was like, punches per punches Pilate. It's a bad time.'cause actually he didn't want to crucify Jesus. And as I read that story for the first time for myself, I actually felt kind of, I felt bad for punches Pilate, but I guess that's because I am a people pleaser.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:I felt, I felt bad for him because in that situation would I have done the same thing? Probably because I could see where he was coming from. But that doesn't make it right.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:yeah.
Track 1:You know, that doesn't make it okay. Like he crucified the son of God
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:because he, as you say, wanted the crowd to die down a bit.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Hmm.
Track 1:But it's just interesting sometimes if we see ourselves in certain Bible characters and like, can it feel sorry for them? And that doesn't make it right.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:like God ultimately decides what's right and what's wrong.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Mm-hmm. Yeah, I have, I have one more from John and this is how Jesus reacts to the offer of people pleasing. So in John five, it's when Jesus heals the man that is at the pool a beside her, is that
Track 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:On, but he does it on a Sabbath day.
Track 1:Yes.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:And then the religious leaders are annoyed at this and said like, you shouldn't have done that, whatever.'cause it's Sabbath day.
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:was replies saying, I can do nothing on my own. As I, as I hear, I judge. And my judgment is just because I seek, not my own will, but the will of him he sent me. And Just like Jesus going back to the fact like, I'm here to do God's will. I'm here to please God, not you. And I think if we were to be, if we were to be True Christians, real Christians, authentic Christians, then we're gonna have to care more about God than what people
Track 1:yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:'cause. We're constantly being met with situations where actually what God wants us to do is different from what people want us to do more and more in the modern world, what the world wants us to believe, what the world wants us to say, how the world wants to act, is gonna be more and more apparently different from what God's telling us.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:we have to consistent in the small things if we're gonna be able to Be consistent in
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:in choosing who we're gonna please.
Track 1:That's good. Really like those examples. Well, thank you very much. That was great. That kind of brings us into the last question then. Which Confessionally, I have not written anything down for it. Totally missed it. I'm just like looking at my notes and I'm like, I didn't really, it's at the very bottom of the page, you see? So, I just missed it. So I would love to hear your tips on how we can practically live for an audience of one. I do. I think that even that phrase itself is quite helpful though, you know, living with an audience for one. And if I could just speak off the top of my head,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah.
Track 1:back to what we said in this conversation already about. You know, being different people in different situations. I think that's one question to ask yourself to begin with. Like, am I a whole person? Like, am I being myself in as many different scenarios as possible? And then maybe like identifying. The one or the, the, you know, the few that you feel like, man, I'm really just not being myself in that situation, and what can I do to resolve that? And also just the simplicity of the question, like, does this honor God?
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Hmm.
Track 1:does this action that I'm doing, or these thoughts that I'm having, or these conversations that I'm having, like, do they honor God?
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Hmm.
Track 1:Asking yourself that question. So, yeah. But I'll. I'll hand over the Ebu to give us some of the things that you've maybe spent a bit more time thinking about. Hopefully.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:No, I think, I think what I've wrote here, I, I think, I don't think the, the key in this, I don't think it's actually that hard. I think
Track 1:Hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:we, a question says if we decide that like From that first you had in Galatians what did that first assign? Could you read that first out again?
Track 1:Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God, or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. And they're kind of like rhetorical questions
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Hmm.
Track 1:that he's asking, you know, but he kind of, he does answer them as well by saying like, basically, no
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:No, exactly. Well, but this is, I think this is the freeing thing that we forget as sometimes as Christians, I forget. As a Christian, I'm living for an audience of one,
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:and therefore that I only have to seek God's will.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:that takes away that because adequate, burdensome, trying to be so, like, so many different
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:a different person for each situation.
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:but if I'm seeking to please God, then that, that's, that takes away that burden of like, person do I need to be today fit what Situation. wanna clarify that I really do think there are some times when pleasing God also aligns with pleasing people. Example, honoring our parents.
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:God literally commands us to honor our parents. So when we try to please our parents in that situation like that correlates pleasing God and pleasing man. And that situation is when we're respecting church authority.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:God commands us to respect church authority,
Track 1:yeah. So I guess if it comes down the decision between like, do I please my friends or do I please my parents? The God honoring thing is to please your parents, which is very countercultural like, probably still, that's like, you know, it just, I think in like, I suppose I'm thinking more teenage culture, but anyway.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah. Well, I think, I think the question really always comes back to, how do I please God in this and like sometimes that you can feel the area is quite gray, but I think, I think honestly if we think about it and pray about it, God's gonna guide us. But it's more
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:lots of little decisions
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:that come each day and we don't even really have time to think about it. Like you saying, when you were in that situation. Where you just wanted to please that person in front of you.
Track 1:Mm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:That, that's where it's more, more difficult sometimes. And it that, how we change that want other sire to, to be looking back to God more, having our eyes fixed in Jesus more because then, We'll be wanting to, we'll be realizing that we should be pleasing him
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:more aware of God's character. I think that's really key.
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:I think the more we understand how great and big and wondrous God is and how much we're loved by him and how holy he is, then naturally we'll want to please him in the knowledge of the fact that he loves us. We're not trying to earn our love from him. Yeah, I think It. We just really need to, the big decisions, pray about it, seek God's will in it,
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:not our and then small decisions. Be a person that's more invested in looking to Jesus. And as you do so naturally, you'll want to please him more than people. And you'll think about the real issue with people pleasing, as I said, is it really can be a selfish desire. And you can see that like you can see people who they'll, people please so much that they're not actually, you can't really trust anything they say. know, they're just trying to
Track 1:Yes. Yes. That, yeah, I definitely, there's people that come to mind and hopefully I don't come to people's mind, but yeah, that's a good point.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:And. We're people pleasing. We care less about what people think. If we're God pleasing,
Track 1:Mm-hmm.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:please God, we care less about what people think. Our lives will be better
Track 1:Yeah.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:we seek to please God, we do it in the knowledge of the fact that we're loved
Track 1:Yeah,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:measured by him.
Track 1:I think it was the Timothy Keller book that said it's not about, you know, thinking less of yourself, but like there's a self forgetfulness that comes with,
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yes.
Track 1:Yeah. So that, that term self forgetfulness is, is what I'm crediting to Timothy Keller. But just like as what you're saying, you know, people pleasing actually put you at the center of it. So when we seek to please God, it's, it's not that we are like down trotting on ourselves, but it's like we just don't even think, you know, it's just like a self forgetfulness about us. It's just, you know, our mind is, is occupied. Yeah. I even think that language audience of one is really helpful.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Yeah. Often I think it can be quite hollow because if you're a people pleaser, Then you don't get the gratification if people don't actually like you back in the way you hope. really very hollow. so seek to please someone who already loves you completely.
Track 1:That's good.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:freer and better.
Track 1:That's good.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Hey, man, sister.
Track 1:Amen. Preach. Wonderful. Well that was our people pleasing episode. We hope that there was something in it that either helped you or what we'd really love with this podcast and maybe something we haven't talked about in a while, is we would love for it to spark conversations with your actual real life. People that are in your life. So thank you for listening to Alana and I, but we would love for this, you know, to start a conversation with your friends and with, with your, with those around you that you're running alongside and the faith as well too. So yeah, hopefully there's been something in that episode that you can chew over or talk about with your friends and we'll be back really soon with more all joy content.
alanna_5_10-18-2023_204251:Bye.